Perhaps it's time to look at treating your children fairly instead of equally. Even though we use the words interchangeably, fair and equal are not the same thing. Treating children equally means you treat them exactly the same. Treating children fairly means you take into account the individual needs of each child.
For example, your youngest child needs a new pair of shoes. His sibling says, "I didn't get a new pair of shoes. That's not fair!" It's important for you as the parent to point out that their sibling outgrew their shoes and needed a new pair so that was fair. Getting a new pair of shoes, when they're not needed, simply because a sibling received a new pair would be equal treatment not fair treatment and in our family we believe in being fair.
Using a fair approach instead of an equal approach might be something you are not currently doing or perhaps it’s challenging for you to do it as consistently as you would like. Take a close look at why you treat your children equally instead of fairly. Ask yourself some questions. Do I not want to hurt my child's feelings? Does it bother me to see my child disappointed? Am I afraid my children will think I love one of them more than the other?
What message are you sending to my children when you treat them equally all of the time? Are your children learning that they should expect equal treatment regardless of the situation? Life isn't always fair and it certainly doesn't always treat us all equally. That's an important lesson for parents to teach their children.
I encourage you to take an honest look at your parenting to determine if you’re treating your children fairly or equally. If you’re treating them equally and you want to make a change and treat them fairly it can be challenging without some support and guidance. You may want to consult with a parenting coach or counselor who can suggest specific strategies and offer support and encouragement as you work toward your goal.